February 28, 2005
TICK-TOCK: We drive from DC to NYC to see Christo's "The Gates" on its final day
6:00: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze.
6:05: Hit snooze.
6:10: Hit snooze.
6:15: Hit snooze.
6:20: Hit snooze.
6:25: Hit snooze
6:30: Hit snooze.
6:35: Hit snooze.
6:40: Hit snooze
6:43: Get out of bed.
7:57: We put Fiddler in the car and leave. I’m driving.
8:44: Kellie falls asleep.
9:31: Pit stop. All of us pee. I purchase a Cranberry Nantucket Nectar and Balance “Carb Well” Energy bar.
10:51: Pit stop. All of us pee. We purchase two Burger King veggie burgers and one medium Coke.
12:15: We stop to get gas.
12:17: The man who pumps our gas points at Fiddler and says “dog.”
12:45: The toll-booth lady at the entrance to the Holland Tunnel refers to me as both “sweetheart” and “baby.”
1:41: We park the car in a garage beneath Lincoln Center.
2:04: We enter Central Park, see “The Gates.” They’re orange. There are lots of them.
2:38: We exit Central Park.
3:01: Kellie orders us sandwiches at a deli while I wait outside with Fiddler.
3:15: Kellie gets cash from an ATM while I wait outside with Fiddler.
3:33: We begin the drive home.
4:58: We leave the Holland Tunnel.
6:42: Pit stop. All of us pee. Kellie takes the wheel.
7:05: I fall asleep.
7:38: I wake up.
9:12: We arrive home.
Amount of time spent in the car: 10 hours and 15 minutes.
Number of miles driven: 476
Amount of money spent on gas, tolls and parking: $85
Amount of time spent looking at “The Gates”: 34 minutes.
Posted by teb at 10:46 AM | Comments (0) | Email this entry
February 26, 2005
LBJMDB: Come ... Let Us Creep Each Other Out
Another new addition to the LBJMDB. This one's going next to the toilet-paper dispenser. I'm still searching for something to put the soap in. I've bid on two (!) LBJ engraved crystal ashtrays but I've been outbid both times. One was particularly snazzy and it went for over 40 bucks. Had the White House seal and everything. Buttons and postcards are easy to come by but engraved crystal ashtrays -- those are real treasures.
Posted by teb at 10:33 AM | Comments (0) | Email this entry
February 24, 2005
How's that sore tooth?
Our dentist just called. When you have a procedure, even a minor one, he calls to see if you’re feeling okay. It’s charming. You could argue that it’s nothing more than a marketing technique, but I don’t think so: He’s just a nice guy.
Who else does this? I’ve never received a call from the optometrist to ask how my glasses are working out or from the dermatologist making sure that my itch has gone away. I like the idea of strangers calling each other to ask if everything is alright. Yes, we would tell each other. Everything is fine.
Posted by teb at 08:53 PM | Comments (0) | Email this entry
February 23, 2005
BEWARE THE HARKENING
According to some people, the past was idyllic. People were moral, music was excellent, and lollipops sprung from the earth like weeds. While I can’t speak to history pre-1974 with any firsthand authority, I tend to doubt such claims. In fact, I have a phrase I like to use whenever I hear people harken back to the good old days. It is this: “Beware the harkening.”
I plan to make BEWARE THE HARKENING a running feature on Minor Tweaks. Here's one from an article on the death of Hunter S. Thompson:
People will forgive almost anything of writers who can astonish them and make them laugh. None of them can anymore. In his early '70s heyday, which was the last time that writers could still be heroes -- he was among the very last of them ...
Hunter was great but I don't think he took laughter with him.
Posted by teb at 09:30 AM | Comments (0) | Email this entry
February 22, 2005
WALKING THE DOG: Dachsund on the loose
When I walk Fiddler in the morning, we often come upon a miniature dachsund roaming the neighborhood. He has a collar with a rabies tag; I haven't been able to get close enough to see if he has an ID tag as well. I assume the owner lets him out each morning to do his business. This is unacceptable. The dog doesn't know enough to stay out of the street and could easily meet an untimely, car-related end.
Whenever we run into the dachsund, I tie Fiddler to the nearest fence and give chase. The dachsund's (reasonable) response is to run full-speed in the other direction. The dog is slow for a dog but he's still faster than me. He's also impervious to even my most ardent coaxing. If I can figure out who the owner is, we're going to have a talk ...
Posted by teb at 05:09 PM | Comments (0) | Email this entry
February 20, 2005
The Shampoo Girl
I like to hear about other people's jobs. Earlier today, for instance, I was chatting with the twenty-something woman washing my hair at the salon (Kellie insists I go to an effete salon rather than a manly barbershop lest I come out looking like a marine recruit). She told me the following:
The worst thing about the job is cleaning up hair because "you never get it all." Also cleaning the bathroom is no fun because it gets "really gross."
She said that some women -- never men, according to her -- will return to the salon and demand a "redo" because they're unhappy with their hair. This almost always involves dye-jobs gone wrong. She understood this because for some women "their hair is who they are."
Posted by teb at 05:28 PM | Comments (0) | Email this entry
Beware the beaten path
We’re planning to buy a new car soon. I find shopping for a new car stressful (What’s the best financing deal? Which options do we really need? What’s the difference between platinum silver metallic and crystal gray metallic?) but I love new-car literature. Here’s an excerpt from the slick Subaru Forester brochure: “Beware the beaten path. It is the path of followers, not leaders. Of tourists, not explorers. It is the road traveled by those more trusting of convention than invention.” Yeah, screw convention: I'm going to quit my job and live in the forest. Just as soon as I finish paying for my $25,000 car.
Posted by teb at 09:18 AM | Comments (0) | Email this entry
February 19, 2005
Our 36th president
The Lyndon Baines Johnson Memorial Downstairs Bathroom, or LBJMDB for short, remains under construction. The latest addition is a decorative plate featuring a portrait of Lyndon and Lady Bird in the center surrounded by strangely empty interior shots of the White House. Note classy gold leafing.
Posted by teb at 08:24 PM | Comments (0) | Email this entry