(Click here for more Minor Tweaks or here for I Have OPINIONS!!!)
March 09, 2005
Russell Crowe vs. al Qaeda: The first 24 hours
From this morning's Washington Post:
Crowe says al Qaeda was behind a possible kidnapping plot in 2001 ... He warns that if kidnapped, he may be troublesome, not to mention quite the yakker. "Mate, if you want to kidnap me, you'd better bring a mouth gag," he says. "I'll be talking you out of your essential philosophies in the first 24 hours, son ..."
Russell Crowe: First, could you explain your essential philosophies to me?
Hardened al Qaeda Terrorist: Sure. We believe in the destruction of the United States, Israel, and pretty much everyone else who disagrees with us. You know -- kill the infidels, drink their blood, etc. Then we’d like to establish a worldwide theocracy based on our own extremely narrow and perverted interpretation of Islam. And ... well, that’s the meat of it right there. Oh yeah, and the subjugation of women. We’re totally into that.
Russell Crowe: Interesting. Have you seen Gladiator?
Hardened al Qaeda Terrorist: Can’t say that I have. I should have mentioned that we reject the culture of the Great Whore. Besides, I heard it was only so-so.
Russell Crowe: The Great Whore?
Hardened al Qaeda Terrorist: Oh, sorry. That’s terrorist talk for the United States. I guess that’s too inside baseball.
Russell Crowe: No problem. What I was going to say is there’s this one speech that I give in there about Rome. In some ways, Rome is a metaphor. Do you know what I mean?
Hardened al Qaeda Terrorist: Not really. But I’m listening.
Russell Crowe: Okay, let’s scrap that. Have you seen A Beautiful Mind?
Hardened al Qaeda Terrorist: Again, no ...
Russell Crowe: That’s right. The Great Whore thing. Well, in that movie my character is a genius who struggles with mental illness. But in the end he triumphs because of the power of love.
Hardened al Qaeda Terrorist: I see. What was it like working with Ron Howard?
Russell Crowe: It was great. He gives you a lot of space. But not too much space, you know? He’s there for you if you want to discuss something but he’s not one of these directors who’s constantly telling you what to feel.
Hardened al Qaeda Terrorist: Have you ever thought about directing?
Russell Crowe: I think every actor does. And my time will come. But right now I’m focused on the craft of acting. And of course my rock band.
Hardened al Qaeda Terrorist: How’s that going?
Russell Crowe: Really well. A lot of people think "Oh, this is just an ego trip for Russell. He’s yet another actor who thinks he can sing." But music has always been a part of my life.
Hardened al Qaeda Terrorist: Well, thanks for being with us.
Russell Crowe: I didn’t have a choice. You kidnapped me.
Hardened al Qaeda Terrorist: I know. It’s just something people say. I’m going to go out and chat with the other terrorists now. I’ll be back later with some bread and gruel.
Russell Crowe: Okay. By the way, is the gruel organic?
Hardened al Qaeda Terrorist: I don’t know. I’ll ask.
Russell Crowe: Great. Thanks.
Posted by teb at March 9, 2005 10:00 AM