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April 26, 2005
An evening in Portland
In my hotel room there is a basket with items such as candy bars and cookies. There is also a small refrigerator with soft drinks and liquor. A card informs guests that "consumed items will be replenished daily & will appear on your statement." Okay, fine. But what if I want the full hotel experience? What if I just went crazy?
I think I’d start by putting on the CD featuring music by Thievery Corporation and Nat King Cole. Each of these songs, the packaging tells me, has been "hand selected just for you." Not just selected but "hand selected" -- very thoughtful.
Then I’d bust into the box of mini macadoos. I’d follow that up with some mesquite-flavored potato chips and a Snickers bar. I’d probably be thirsty so I’d have myself a beer. Or maybe I’d have myself a couple of beers.
Feeling relaxed and a little bored, I’d open the Portland-themed novelty playing cards and challenge myself to a few spirited rounds of solitaire. While concentrating on the cards I’d absentmindedly snack on the mashuga nuts and Oreo cookies.
I usually get a dehydration headache from drinking beer so I’d break open a bottle of Evian as a precautionary measure. While removing the hard plastic from around the top I might cut my finger. No problem -- that’s what the first-aid kit is for. After patching myself up, I’d have a glass of wine to celebrate my excellent evening.
At this point I’d be surrounded by wrappers and empty containers. In the basket there would remain some mints, an "intimacy kit," and a package of gummy bears. Not wanting to leave a job unfinished, I would make use of these as well.
Total cost of snacks, beverages and sundries during my evening alone in a hotel room in Portland: $132
Living life to the fullest: Priceless
Posted by teb at April 26, 2005 09:18 AM