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April 30, 2005
We're on to you, Tom Cruise. Oh yes. We are.
From a New York Post article on why gossip columnists don’t believe that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are really dating:
Cruise has done it before. When he began to push yet another box-office disappointment, 2001's "Vanilla Sky," he announced he was dating his co-star Penelope Cruz. (Few bought that one either.) And he famously began dating Nicole Kidman on the set of "Days of Thunder.” … Maybe someone will buy the magazines celebrating this week's affair of the decade, but as Hemmer put it on CNN yesterday, "You are gullible, America."
Oh you’re good, Tom Cruise, real good. Going around pretending to date the most beautiful women in the world. Please! We’re not buying it this time. I suppose you want us to believe that you’re dating Katie Holmes because she’s “very attractive” -- yeah, right. We’ve heard that one before. Admittedly your little ruse with Nicole Kidman was a good one: marrying her, adopting children, staying together for years. But, when you think about it, what man in his right mind would marry Nicole Kidman? What could she possibly have to offer? There must have been some darker motive at work. Likewise, Penelope Cruz. And now you want us to believe that you enjoy spending time with and perhaps even kissing Katie Holmes? Yuck! Where’s the fun in that? We know what you’re up to, Tom Cruise. Well, okay, we don’t really know what you’re up to but we know you’re up to something. And it can’t possibly have anything to do with wanting to date extremely attractive women. Who's gullible now, eh Mr. Cruise?
Posted by teb at 11:50 AM | Email this entry
April 29, 2005
INTERNATIONAL NEWS: nello stesso momento
La preziosa azione dell'alimento troverebbe spiegazione nella capacità di inibire alcuni geni addetti alla trasformazione del cibo in grasso e, nello stesso momento, di attivarne altri che consentono di "sciogliere" quelli già accumulati nel corpo.
Hmm. I'm tempted to comment at-length on this article, to expound on some of the issues it raises. I wouldn't hold back if I found something that struck me as wrongheaded. Nor would I simply snipe at the article without cause. No. If I think that what's being said is correct and fair, then I will say so. What you, the reader, would get is my opinion -- unvarnished and unabridged. I might go on and on, turning this post into a mini-essay that touches on a range of topics, all of which have some connection -- be it direct or tangential -- to the subject at hand. And I could also comment on how the photograph above relates to the article. I could do that. However, I believe that there are cases in which the less that is said, you know, the better. So instead I will simply bid you a hearty "ciao" and move on.
Posted by teb at 01:14 PM | Email this entry
April 28, 2005
A NOT-VERY-GOOD POEM WRITTEN USING THE RANDOM WORDS THAT APPEAR IN JUNK E-MAIL MESSAGES: II
I received a fish letter
Dear Tom, it began
I am a green fish
I have a tail
Will you be my friend?
Dear Fish, I replied
Here is my answer:
No. I walk on soil
That much is clear
You should not have written
Posted by teb at 12:58 AM | Email this entry
April 27, 2005
THE BACKS OF STRANGERS' HEADS: Portland edition
Posted by teb at 10:52 AM | Email this entry
April 26, 2005
An evening in Portland
In my hotel room there is a basket with items such as candy bars and cookies. There is also a small refrigerator with soft drinks and liquor. A card informs guests that "consumed items will be replenished daily & will appear on your statement." Okay, fine. But what if I want the full hotel experience? What if I just went crazy?
I think I’d start by putting on the CD featuring music by Thievery Corporation and Nat King Cole. Each of these songs, the packaging tells me, has been "hand selected just for you." Not just selected but "hand selected" -- very thoughtful.
Then I’d bust into the box of mini macadoos. I’d follow that up with some mesquite-flavored potato chips and a Snickers bar. I’d probably be thirsty so I’d have myself a beer. Or maybe I’d have myself a couple of beers.
Feeling relaxed and a little bored, I’d open the Portland-themed novelty playing cards and challenge myself to a few spirited rounds of solitaire. While concentrating on the cards I’d absentmindedly snack on the mashuga nuts and Oreo cookies.
I usually get a dehydration headache from drinking beer so I’d break open a bottle of Evian as a precautionary measure. While removing the hard plastic from around the top I might cut my finger. No problem -- that’s what the first-aid kit is for. After patching myself up, I’d have a glass of wine to celebrate my excellent evening.
At this point I’d be surrounded by wrappers and empty containers. In the basket there would remain some mints, an "intimacy kit," and a package of gummy bears. Not wanting to leave a job unfinished, I would make use of these as well.
Total cost of snacks, beverages and sundries during my evening alone in a hotel room in Portland: $132
Living life to the fullest: Priceless
Posted by teb at 09:18 AM | Email this entry
April 25, 2005
THOMAS BARTLETT: Bander
I have been a high school biology teacher for 29 years. I am a bird bander, a trainer of bird banders and I have been certified by the North American Banding Council (bird banders place identification bracelets -- called bands -- on the legs of birds to track their migration patterns). I am also a board member of the Ottawa National Wildlife Refuge Association. The note accompanying the photograph above says “This picture looks nothing like Tom!” But you know what? I bet it looks a little bit like me.
Posted by teb at 05:22 AM | Email this entry
April 24, 2005
A not-very-good poem written using the random words that appear in junk e-mail messages
The soapstone rests quietly on the table
Although how else could it rest?
It’s not as if the soapstone were ever boisterous
Or potent, for that matter
It reminds me of the actress Lea Thompson
I can’t really explain how
Do I babel or, rather, babble?
Yes
Posted by teb at 07:52 AM | Email this entry
April 23, 2005
LBJ: President, Texan, Man, Cheese Lover
Many people search their whole lives and never find what they’re after. They look and do not discover. They seek in vain. Filled with hope and fear, they reach a trembling hand into the darkness -- and fail to grasp.
Boy, that must suck. But I don’t really know because this morning I found exactly what I’ve been looking for: a Tuttle sterling silver cheese knife engraved with the initials of our 36th president, Lyndon Baines Johnson. Now I will finally be able to combine my two passions -- a love of cheese and a fondness for LBJ memorabilia.
There’s a lesson here and the lesson is this: There is no end to the crap available on eBay. Also, you know, keep dreaming because one day you might find your own LBJ cheese knife. Although probably not because how many of these things can there possibly be?
Posted by teb at 11:34 AM | Email this entry
April 22, 2005
Okay, I'll go to sleep. Just stop staring at me like that.
If you’re having trouble sleeping and you go to the National Sleep Foundation’s Web site you will see a picture of this woman. She is a sleep expert. No one can sleep like this woman. At a moment’s notice, boom, she can just nod off. It’s amazing.
There is also a fascinating page on Restless Legs Syndrome. At the top of this page it asks “What is Restless Legs Syndrome?” Turns out, it involves your legs and restlessness.
The foundation has its own magazine that covers “hot sleep news” (that is a real quote).
The National Sleep Foundation conducted a poll. Most people, it found, sleep between seven and eight hours a night. A small sliver (6-percent) of the population, however, sleeps nine hours or more on average. The technical term for these people is “lazy.”
Another section gives you a long list of things to try if you’re having trouble sleeping. Then it asks “Are You Trying Too Hard?”
Posted by teb at 12:57 AM | Email this entry
April 21, 2005
DEAD CELEBRITY iTUNES PLAYLISTS: William Randolph Hearst
"Last Call" (Kanye West): My own story is far from rags to riches -- my father was a multi-millionaire back when that meant something. Even so I was truly moved by the last song on Kanye West’s debut album, which recounts in fascinating detail (it’s 12 minutes long) his rise from nowhere to the big time. The best parts aren’t about meeting famous rappers or getting signed. They're about getting evicted from his apartment and his mom helping him load a U-Haul and driving to New Jersey. Humble, endearing and the best song on a great album.
"Hard Drive" (Evan Dando): After years of doing drugs and not making music, you’d think that Evan Dando’s talent might have gone up in crack smoke. You would be wrong. He’s still a lovable goofball who can write a line like “Have you ever felt yourself in motion?” and make it seem profound.
"The Rainbow Connection" (Willie Nelson): A great song to start with. Willie’s beat-up voice and the sweet, brilliant solo at the end make it feel sadder and wiser.
"Acrobat" (U2): Achtung Baby is not as good as I remember it being but this song still works for me.
"I Hung my Head" (Johnny Cash): Everything I’ve heard from the Rick Rubin-produced box set Unearthed is terrific. This one’s particularly good.
"Could Well Be In" (The Streets): A concept album about losing a thousand quid, girlfriend trouble and getting your head bashed in by a TV repairman -- and it's by a white British rapper who can't really rap. Shouldn’t work. Does.
Posted by teb at 10:23 AM | Email this entry
April 20, 2005
That's What Love is All About
Headline from the ABC news Web site:
White House Renews Support For Bolton
"We want everyone to know that we stand behind him 100-percent," a White House spokesman said yesterday. "Many of the criticisms leveled against Mr. Bolton are completely unjustified. Has he made mistakes? Sure, he has. But it's important not to allow those mistakes -- most of which were hair-related -- to overshadow a remarkable career. People forget that he has sold 52 million albums. There's a reason that "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?" is played again and again in grocery stores and laundromats throughout our great nation. The reason is this: People cannot get enough of that tough yet tender voice. Of course there are critics out there who make fun of the long, flowing locks and that sincerer-than-thou pose. Whatever. You know you love it."
Posted by teb at 12:03 PM | Email this entry
April 19, 2005
CONSUMER E-MAIL: My friends at Vaseline
Dear Vaseline,
First of all, I want to say how much I enjoy Vaseline Intensive Care Advanced Healing Fragrance-Free Skin Protectant Lotion with Proven Moisturizers and Vitamin E. I carry some with me in my backpack wherever I go -- that way, when dry skin strikes, I'm prepared!
Anyway, here's my question: How many times a day should I use Vaseline Intensive Care Advanced Healing Fragrance-Free Skin Protectant Lotion with Proven Moisturizers and Vitamin E? Or should I use it only when my hands feel dry?
Thanks in advance.
Tom
[CLICK 'CONTINUED' FOR REPLY]
Hi Tom,
Thank you for writing!
Use daily as necessary. For best results, use regularly and massage thoroughly into skin.
Thanks for your interest!
Your friends at Vaseline
Posted by teb at 09:14 AM | Email this entry
April 18, 2005
Ah, Subaru -- what can't you do?
In an on-going effort to out-garden the neighbors, Kellie and I made several trips to Home Depot (or Home Despot, as a friend of ours likes to call it) to buy gardening supplies over the weekend. On Saturday we bought 25 bags of topsoil and four bags of peat moss. On Sunday we bought tomato plants and bell pepper plants and strawberry plants. And then, in the mother of all Home Depot trips, we bought 28 flagstones (12-by-12) and four trees, two apple and two pear.
As we were driving back home, the tops of the four trees poking through the open sunroof, it occurred to me that we were doing more than running errands. We were, in fact, inside a Subaru commercial. If filmed and properly spliced together -- and with the addition of a jazzy soundtrack -- I believe our Sunday afternoon could have made for an excellent 30-second spot. We even washed and vacuumed the car so the final shot could be of the vehicle gleaming in the driveway after a job well done. Obviously you’d want to edit out my vigorous, unholy swearing while attempting to load the trees into the car, but once you’ve done that I think you’ve got yourself a lovely commercial.
Posted by teb at 12:44 PM | Email this entry
April 17, 2005
FEATURED CHEESE: Heart of England
Click here for an explanation of cheese ratings
Everything good is British: tea, music, accents -- and now, we discover, cheese. Our Featured Cheese is a blend of not one, not two, not three, not even four but five (!) delicious cheeses that combine to form a medley of dairy delight unrivalled in the Velveeta-munching colonies.
Our previous Featured Cheese was a semi-soft from France. It was tasty but seemed weak somehow, lacking in character, ready to capitulate at the slightest threat. This British cheese, however, is firm and resolute. One can imagine it enduring wave after wave of attacks, its head unbowed, its spirit unbroken.
At first I tried to taste each layer individually but quickly realized that this was a mistake. It's best to enjoy the cheese as a whole, letting the constituent cheeses -- red and white cheddar, white stilton, double Gloucester and Leicester -- mix and mingle, allowing the contrasts to entertain the palate. Spot on, old chap. Spot on.
Posted by teb at 12:00 PM | Email this entry
April 16, 2005
Lincoln, updated
From the Los Angeles Times on a new Abraham Lincoln museum:
Even when the historical record is unambiguous, the museum sometimes improvises. John Wilkes Booth famously declared "sic semper tyrannis" (Latin for "thus always to tyrants") after assassinating Lincoln. That sounded too arcane for modern ears. So in one of the multimedia presentations, the script writers have Booth growling instead: "Vengeance shall be mine."
ARCANE: "Four score and seven years ago ..."
MODERN: "A while back ..."
ARCANE: "Leave nothing for tomorrow which can be
done today."
MODERN:: "Just do it."
ARCANE: "A house divided against itself cannot stand."
MODERN: "We’re all, like, in this together, yo."
ARCANE: "The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land, will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature."
MODERN: "Keep it real."
Posted by teb at 10:54 AM | Email this entry
April 15, 2005
Untersuchungsausschuss
From Reuters Deutschland:
Hohlmeier war am Donnerstag im Zusammenhang mit Affäre schwer belastet worden. Im Untersuchungsausschuss des Landtags hatte der damals in die Affäre verwickelte Ortsvorsitzende der Jungen Union, Maximilian Junker, bekräftigt, Hohlmeier habe von den Fälschungen gewusst und sie nicht verhindert. Wegen der Vorgänge waren im vergangenen Jahr mehrere junge CSU-Politiker zu Geldstrafen verurteilt worden.
Indeed. I think, obviously, there are some good points being made here. However, one also wonders if the writer isn’t leaving something out or perhaps including something that should be excluded. That said, there is a tendency by some critics to get bogged down in details -- which, to my mind, would be a mistake. We must step back a bit and look at the big picture. It’s important to realize that such debates do not take place in a vacuum. By placing it in a larger context, I believe it will be easier for us as citizens to comprehend all of the various implications. We must remember that this is serious business, as the photograph accompanying this article makes abundantly clear. It is time for all of us to put on our glasses, place our chins on our knuckles, and start thinking. Together we can solve this problem -- assuming that this is, in fact, a problem we must solve.
Posted by teb at 10:12 AM | Email this entry
April 14, 2005
IKEA DIALOGUES: Part three
Me: So, Anna, has there ever been a time when you’ve wanted something and didn’t get it?
Anna: I have detailed knowledge of IKEA products and services. How would you like to use my knowledge of IKEA?
Me: Like you were up for an award but it went to someone else?
Anna: I wish I knew what it was you meant by that, but I don't. Sorry.
Me: So you’re telling me you’ve never been disappointed?
Anna: I sure am!
Me: I don’t believe you.
Anna: I have every confidence that you do.
Me: Why is that?
Anna: I wish I could give you an explanation for that, but I can't.
Me: So you’re telling me you don't know why. Is that right?
Anna: I intend to assist you in finding information about IKEA products and services.
Me: That’s what paves the road to hell -- good intentions.
Anna: All of IKEA's products are made to the highest standards.
Me: We all have standards we’re trying to live up to but sometimes we fall short. That’s my point.
Anna: You said it.
Me: You’re right -- I did say it. It’s just part of life. That’s what you’re trying to tell me, isn’t it?
Anna: I'm very sorry, but I can't really talk about things like that at this time.
Me: So I have to find my own answers. Is that what you mean?
Anna: I don't know the answer to that question yet, I am sorry. Please contact your local store for help on the issue.
Me: By "contact your local store" do you mean I need to look inside my self?
Anna: I can't answer that for you. Sorry. Please talk to me about IKEA.
Me: No need to apologize.
Anna: Of course. Thank you.
Me: Thank you, Anna.
Anna: That's me! How can I help you?
Posted by teb at 11:39 AM | Email this entry
April 13, 2005
THE BACKS OF STRANGERS' HEADS: Manhattan edition
Posted by teb at 11:23 PM | Email this entry
April 12, 2005
SPOTTED!
DO YOU SMELL SOMETHING!?!: A certain bearded man was spotted walking his small, white dog yesterday evening. The man -- who despite his beard somewhat resembled a Midnight Cowboy-era Dustin Hoffman -- stood patiently as his dog gave a nearby fence a very thorough sniffing.
HMM ... JUICY!: A young man in a green, button-down shirt was seen purchasing a bottle of cranberry juice at a neighborhood deli over the weekend.
HEY, I'M TRYING TO READ HERE!: Just who was that 40-something woman thumbing half-heartedly through a copy of U.S. News and World Report on the metro yesterday? We don't know but on the cover of the magazine was a photograph of royal newlyweds, Charles and Camilla. Millions of viewers tuned-in to to see the princely nuptials, which were pushed back due to the funeral of Pope John Paul II, who passed away just a few days before Nobel prize-winning novelist Saul Bellow. Mr. Bellow wrote a novel called Henderson the Rain King, which was the inspiration for a song by Adam Duritz, the floppy-haired lead singer of the Counting Crows who name-checked Bob Dylan in a different song. Mr. Dylan wrote about his friendship with Bono, the philanthropic front man for the legendary rock band U2 in his recent autobiography. U2 was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year by a man once dubbed "The next Bob Dylan," Bruce Springsteen, who took part in the "Vote for Change" tour that was intended to help John Kerry defeat George W. Bush in last November's presidential election. Better luck next time, Boss!
Send tips to spottedtips@gmail.com
Posted by teb at 05:15 PM | Email this entry
April 11, 2005
MINOR QUIZ: Which is an actual product available in the Cracker Barrel gift shop and which is a meaningless series of random words?
1. Stained Glass Mini Apple Lamp
2. Sparkling Stream Spoon Holder
3. Resin Turtle Key Hider
4. Praying Children Garden Statue
5. Small Gnome Gutter Guard
6. Golden Rainbow Water Mill
7. Musical Rose Linen Jewelry Box
8. Cloud-patterned Apron Pouch
9. Bath Time Cat Birdbath
10. See No Evil, Speak No Evil, Hear No Evil Tea Lights on a Tray
[CLICK 'CONTINUED' FOR ANSWERS]
1. Actual product
2. Meaningless series of random words
3. Actual product
4. Actual product
5. Actual product
6. Meaningless series of random words
7. Actual product
8. Meaningless series of random words
9. Actual product
10. Actual product
Posted by teb at 05:43 AM | Email this entry
April 10, 2005
THE BACKS OF STRANGERS' HEADS: Harpers Ferry edition
Posted by teb at 09:02 PM | Email this entry
April 09, 2005
THE BACKS OF STRANGERS' HEADS: Cherry blossom edition
Posted by teb at 11:04 PM | Email this entry
April 07, 2005
OFF LEASH: Barking against the bad
"Off Leash" is an occasional column by Fiddler.
I was urinating in someone’s front yard the other day when I happened to recall a quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Don’t waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good." I agree with the stuff about not wasting yourself in rejection and chanting the beauty of the good -- that’s fine as far as it goes. But I must take issue with Ralph’s comment on not barking against the bad. Indeed I would argue that we are obligated to bark against the bad wherever we may find it, be it in the board rooms of our most powerful corporations, the hallowed halls of our governmental institutions, or in our very own neighborhoods. It is incumbent upon each of us to seek out and expose the evil that hides itself in the nooks and crannies of not only our society but our souls. We must bark against the bad. Also, we should bark against the garbage men because we’re not sure what they’re doing in our driveway.
Posted by teb at 11:04 AM | Email this entry
April 06, 2005
CONSUMER E-MAIL: Dawn
Dear Dawn,
First of all, I want to say how much I enjoy using Ultra Concentrated Dawn with Citrus Burst Scent. It really does smell like a lemon just burst open in front of you. What a delight!
Anyway. Here's my question: Do you recommend squirting the detergent directly onto a dish or should you put it on the sponge? I ask because in commercials they often squirt the liquid directly onto the dish. I've found, however, that the sponge-method is preferable. Thoughts?
best,
Tom
[CLICK 'CONTINUED' FOR REPLY]
Hi Tom,
I'm glad to hear how pleased you are with Ultra Dawn Citrus Burst dishwashing liquid, and I'm sharing your comments with the rest of our team. I'm sure they'll be delighted!
We recommend using one firm squeeze of the bottle (about two teaspoons) per sinkful of water. If you find that it works for you to apply it directly to the sponge, that's fine as well.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Gary
Dawn Team
P.S. Tackle that spring cleaning with Mr. Clean Magic Reach, an easy-to-use tool that helps you clean your bathroom from top to bottom! And preserve the bright colors of your spring wardrobe with Tide Coldwater, our new deep-cleaning formula that removes tough stains even in cold water. Saves you money, too! Check them out at mrclean.com and Tidecoldwater.com.
Posted by teb at 09:57 AM | Email this entry
April 05, 2005
God, Truth speak out
From the Associated Press:
Michael Jackson didn't attend a rally of 200 supporters held Sunday at the Radisson Hotel in Santa Maria, Calif., the town where his trial is taking place, but he did address the fans by speakerphone. "God and the truth are on our side," Jackson said, phoning from Neverland. "We will be victorious."
"I love Michael -- I love all my children -- but to say I’m 'on his side'? I think that’s a little strong," God said in a telephone interview yesterday. "I want to believe him, you know. I love the Jackson 5 and the early solo stuff. Billie Jean is a great song. I’m not as into the later albums but he’s a talent, no doubt about it. And he can bleach his skin, wear sparkly arm bands, build a Ferris wheel for monkeys, whatever. He’s earned the right to be weird. But when you bring little boys into the picture ... no, I'm sorry. That’s too much. You’ve lost me. I wish him the best but I’m sitting this one out.”
Truth concurred. "Look, nobody doubts that Michael had a screwed-up childhood. But you just can’t liquor-up prepubescent boys and have a pajama party in your bedroom. I don’t care who you are. Like God, I wish him the best, but ... well, I think you know what I’m saying."
Posted by teb at 10:16 AM | Email this entry
April 04, 2005
FEATURED CHEESE: Morbier
Click here for an explanation of cheese ratings
It’s late at night somewhere in the mountains of France's Franche-Comté region. Two French cheese executives are sitting at a table in a windowless conference room. They are bleary-eyed, disheveled, unshaven. Neither man has showered in days (although it’s France so nobody really noticed). They are surrounded by wadded-up paper and empty wine bottles.
French Cheese Executive #1: Time is running out. We must choose a label design.
French Cheese Executive #2: I've got it! What about a painting of a 16th century juggler?
French Cheese Executive #1: What does that have to do with cheese?
French Cheese Executive #2: Can you think of something better?
French Cheese Executive #1: Okay, fine. Now I will go smoke an unfiltered cigarette and contemplate the futility of existence.
French Cheese Executive #2: Hold up -- I’m coming, too.
And so the label for Morbier cheese was born.
Morbier is a semi-soft cheese notable for its bisecting line of dark vegetable ash. The greenish-black ash is tasteless and has no purpose. So, you ask reasonably, why is it there?
That’s not really clear. One Web site says adding ash is a tradition that began when a wheel of cheese was dropped on the floor. Another says that the ash was used to preserve the cheese after the morning milking, i.e., the cheese-maker would make a batch of cheese in the morning, cover it in ash, then return in the evening to make another batch. Yet another Web site says the ash is added "between steps to prevent a rind from forming during the molding process." That doesn't seem right: People make semi-soft cheese all the time without vegetable ash -- if it were critical to the manufacturing process, wouldn't it be used in all semi-soft cheeses? Yes. I think it would.
The cheese is stinky but it tastes good. It has a pleasant, strong flavor. One description I read said Morbier has a bitter aftertaste but I didn’t find that to be true.
Posted by teb at 02:05 PM | Email this entry
April 03, 2005
CONSUMER E-MAIL: Buttery goodness
Dear Ritz,
First of all, let me say how much I enjoy the one-of-a-kind buttery taste of Ritz brand crackers. Whether by themselves or with any of a variety of great-tasting toppings, Ritz brand crackers are an enjoyable and satisfying snack.
Here's my question. If I'm adding, say, peanut butter to a Ritz brand cracker, I spread it on the salty side of the cracker. My wife, however, puts it on the non-salty side. Which one of us is right? (And don't say there's no wrong way -- that's a cop out.)
best,
Tom
[CLICK "CONTINUED" FOR REPLY]
Thanks for visiting our website!
I am delighted to hear that you are pleased with the flavor of our product. Our goal is to maintain the high quality for our existing products and to create new products that consumers like you, find enjoyable. It's gratifying to learn that our efforts have been successful.
I will pass your comments on to the appropriate parties
Please add our site to your bookmarks and visit us again soon!
Kim McMiller
Assoc Director, Consumer Relations
--------------------------
Hi Kim,
Thanks for the prompt and friendly response. You neglected to answer my question: On which side of the cracker should peanut butter (or other toppings) be spread? Obviously neither choice is "wrong," per se -- Ritz brand crackers will maintain their buttery goodness no matter what. But which is ideal? Obviously you guys must have given this some thought, no?
all the best,
Tom
P.S. Do you get all the free crackers you can eat?
--------------------------
Thanks for visiting our web site.
I am delighted to hear that you are pleased with our product. We strive to maintain the high quality of our existing products and to create a variety of new products that are convenient, taste good, and add nutritional value.
It is gratifying to learn that our efforts have been successful. I will pass your comments on to the appropriate parties.
As much as we'd like to assist you, the information you're requesting isn't currently available. We apologize for any disappointment this may cause.
Please add our site, http://www.nabiscoworld.com, to your bookmarks and visit us again soon!
Kim McMiller
Assoc Director, Consumer Relations
Posted by teb at 08:42 PM | Email this entry
April 02, 2005
Lemony breeze
Now that Celine Dion has introduced her new fragrance, "Belong," there are only two celebrities left who have yet to market signature scents. Fortunately, both are in the works. Here's a preview:
Do you ever want to turn the radio on, turn the radio up, and hear some woman singing your song? Of course you do. And that’s the feeling you’ll get whenever you catch a whiff of “One Hit,” the debut scent from singer-songwriter Lisa Loeb, famous for her horn-rimmed glasses and naming her backup band after a short-story collection by reclusive writer J.D. Salinger. We’re all dying since the day we’re born, but we don’t have to smell like it.
Imagine a lemony breeze accented with a rich swirl of botanical aromas. That’s the refreshing sensation you’ll experience each time you dab on “Obscure,” the new fragrance from Mark Linn-Baker. Mr. Linn-Baker is best known for playing the strait-laced foil to Bronson Pinchot’s wacky fish-out-of-water foreigner on the semi-popular television program “Perfect Strangers.” Whether you’re famous or not, Obscure will make people say “Hey, who is that guy? He seems vaguely familiar ... oh, never mind. It doesn't matter.”
Posted by teb at 02:28 PM | Email this entry
April 01, 2005
An open letter to the European Union
From the London Times
The cost of trousers, spectacle frames and sweetcorn imported into Europe from America will jump 15 per cent next month, after the latest transatlantic trade dispute erupted yesterday.
Dear Europe,
Okay, so I l know you're mad at us for our “failure to repeal controversial anti-dumping legislation” and that the tariff hike on trousers, spectacle frames and sweet corn is a way of getting back at us. I understand that. But stop for a moment and think: Whom are you really hurting? I'll tell you whom -- near-sighted, trouser-wearing corn eaters, that's whom. And if you think about it, where would the world be without trousers, spectacle frames, and sweet corn? Would Winston Churchill have been able to rally the British public during World War II had he been naked from the waist down? Would James Joyce have been able to compose hundreds of pages of nonsensical prose without his spectacles? And what would we eat with fried chicken if we didn't have sweet corn? Mashed potatoes? Please.
This is an issue that hits especially close to home for me. That's because I am a near-sighted, trouser-wearing corn eater. And while these tariffs will not affect me directly, they will affect my near-sighted, trouser-wearing, corn-eating brethren across the Atlantic. If they must go without trousers, so will I. If they cannot wear their spectacle frames, neither will I. And if they can't eat corn ... well, I feel sorry for them. Because corn is tasty.
Posted by teb at 11:43 AM | Email this entry