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January 31, 2006
Exxorbitant
From the Los Angeles Times on Exxon’s 2005 profit of $36 billion, more than any other company in U.S. history:
"We recognize that consumers worldwide want and need reliable supplies of affordable energy," Chairman and Chief Executive Rex Tillerson said Monday.
Mr. Tillerson added: "Because we have a stranglehold on those supplies, we can control the prices."
He continued: "And obviously we're going to charge as much as we can get away with."
Furthermore, according to Mr. Tillerson: "We realize this causes extreme financial strain to those who can least afford it and that our profits come at the expense of the rest of the country and that the oil industry is a major contributor to the problems we're having throughout the Middle East."
In addition, he said: "But we don't care."
Then he screamed: "I can buy and sell every one of you! Bow before my vast wealth! Worship my record-breaking earnings! I am your master now!"
Afterward, he whispered: "Can I take back that last part?"
Posted by teb at January 31, 2006 10:58 AM