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November 08, 2007
How to toast a bagel
1. Procure bagel.
2. Look up word "procure" to make sure that you've spelled it correctly.
3. You have.
4. Remove knife from wooden block. No, that's the big one – use the little one. There you go.
5. Hold bagel in left hand. Use the knife to slice the bagel in half lengthwise. Note: Knives are sharp and fingers are useful.
6. Attempt to place the two halves in the toaster. Discover that they are too thick.
7. Smush bagel halves together and try again.
8. Wait. This time can be used for activities such as worrying about money.
9. Ding! That sound indicates that your bagel is ready to eat. Remove bagel from toaster and slather in cream cheese. If cream cheese is not available, use butter. If butter is not available, you're screwed.
10. Enjoy.
Posted by teb at November 8, 2007 11:00 AM