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January 30, 2009
CONSUMER E-MAIL: Coca-Cola
Dear Coke,
First of all, I want to say that I don't actually drink Coke anymore. I was, though, for many years, a loyal customer, consuming two, three, even four Cokes in a single day. You're welcome.
Recently I read that your product may contain trace amounts of mercury. While many people are concerned because mercury is a known neurotoxin, I was wondering if there is any upside. For instance, I hear it's good for making hats. Maybe you could mention this in your advertising?
Can't beat the real thing!
always,
Tom
[CLICK 'CONTINUED' FOR REPLY]
Thank you for contacting The Coca-Cola Company, Mr. Bartlett. We appreciate the opportunity to respond.
Testing done on foods and beverages was done on a single sample of each brand. While mercury was initially found at a detectable limit in two of our beverages, the levels reported in our products are not a health concern. The level found in Minute Maid Berry Punch, for example, was 0.04 parts per billion which can be compared to the guideline value of mercury in drinking water of 6 parts per billion established by the World Health Organization and the MCLG of 2 parts per billion established by the US EPA.
The report of the finding of mercury in the two samples should be considered to be suspect because only a single sample of each product was analyzed and the reported results are very close to the limit of detection of the analytical method. At these low levels, issues with contamination and false positives are a common problem.
The reported levels are approximately 40 times less than the level of mercury permitted in common drinking water by US EPA.
The Coca-Cola Company has an uncompromising commitment to product safety and quality. In all countries in which we operate, we adhere to local government safety regulations and our own rigorous quality control standards.
We use sophisticated analytical testing methods to ensure the purity and safety of ingredients used in our products. All of our suppliers are monitored to ensure that their operations meet our strict quality standards.
We are confident that when you purchase a product from The Coca-Cola Company, you are buying a safe and wholesome beverage.
The Corn Refiners Association said in its statement responding to the reports, "This study appears to be based on outdated information of dubious significance. Our industry has used mercury-free versions of the two re-agents mentioned in the study, hydrochloric acid and caustic soda, for several years. These mercury-free re-agents perform important functions, including adjusting pH balances. For more than 150 years, corn wet millers have been perfecting the process of refining corn to make safe ingredients for the American food supply."
If you have any additional comments, please feel free to contact us again.
Jeffrey
Industry and Consumer Affairs
The Coca-Cola Company
Posted by teb at 10:07 AM | Email this entry
January 29, 2009
How To Iron
1. Grab wrinkled, blue shirt from basket.
2. Run through dryer.
3. Notice that the collar is still wrinkled.
4. Run through dryer again.
5. Still wrinkled.
6. Have trouble locating iron.
7. There it is.
8. Iron collar.
9. Still looks weird.
10. Decide you don’t care.
Posted by teb at 02:36 PM | Email this entry
January 28, 2009
News
-- From CVG:
US Banjo sales disappoint
Nation's hicks call for bailout.
-- From the Washington Post:
Backlash Against Bush Apparent in RNC
Little late, guys.
-- From Buffalo News:
Gillibrand embracing entire state
State awkwardly hugs back.
Posted by teb at 10:14 AM | Email this entry
January 27, 2009
PROS and CONS: Snow (repeat)
PROS:
-- flakes
-- men
-- angels
CONS:
-- drift
-- shovel
-- blindness
Posted by teb at 01:40 PM | Email this entry
January 26, 2009
The weekend to-do list: A postmortem
Chat with guy who restocks vending machine at National Tire & Battery. Snack sales are apparently down -- alert the media!
Take 20-minute power nap. Okay, fine: it was an hour-and-a-half.
Visit hippie school where the kids make pottery and read all day. Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned suffering?
Molder.
Discover small bag of chocolate chips at bottom of fruit bowl. I knew there must be something good in there.
Posted by teb at 06:32 AM | Email this entry
January 23, 2009
This is a true hypothetical story
So let's say you attend a very large inaugural gathering. You get up early, ride your bike five miles, walk another mile or so, and stake out a good place to stand. You've made it.
Then you think to yourself: "Boy, I sure am thirsty. Maybe I should drink this entire bottle of water I brought with me." So you do. Then, twenty minutes later, you begin to regret that decision. Thirty minutes later, you really regret it. You don't want to abandon your plum spot, but the Porta John's siren call is simply too strong.
So you leave and, lo and behold, actually end up in a better spot. It all works out. Yes, it does.
Posted by teb at 01:33 PM | Email this entry
January 22, 2009
News
-- From the Christian Science Monitor:
Icelanders hurl yogurt and stage riots for new leaders
Officials called the protest "delicious."
-- From the Dallas Morning News:
State Board of Education debates evolution curriculum
Also plans to take on gravity controversy.
-- From Ed Week:
Obama: "There Is Work to Be Done"
Nation: "Uh, Yeah, We Know."
Posted by teb at 10:54 AM | Email this entry
January 21, 2009
THE BACKS OF STRANGERS' HEADS: Inaugural edition
Posted by teb at 02:14 AM | Email this entry
January 20, 2009
O
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YEAH
Posted by teb at 01:56 AM | Email this entry
January 19, 2009
The weekend to-do list: A postmortem
Deal with yet another flat tire. Dude, who's scattering all these nails?
Sort through books. Decide the unread-to-read ratio is about two to one.
Vacuum stairs. Consider shaving pets.
Fluster
Have scintillating conversation with two-year-old who insists on being called "Biscuit" and responds only with "woof."
Posted by teb at 10:21 AM | Email this entry
January 16, 2009
Weather-related conversation starters
-- How about the coldness of this weather? It is extreme, is it not?
-- Good thing I'm wearing mink.
-- I could go for a nice cup of fire right about now.
-- It's so cold I'm worried my eyeballs might freeze solid and fall out. You know what I mean?
-- Bzzz. I mean, brrr.
Posted by teb at 11:38 AM | Email this entry
January 15, 2009
Hilarious jokes I thought of while reading vacuum cleaner reviews online at 2 a.m. (with parenthetical explanatory notes)
-- This thing sucks! (In the literal sense, i.e., it is effective at removing particulate matter from carpet fibers.)
-- Hoover? I hardly know her. (See, if said out loud, it almost sounds as if I'm saying "Hoov her" which doesn't mean anything, but sounds vaguely sexual and therefore automatically funny.)
-- It's in the bag! (Because, you know, vacuum cleaners have bags, except for those new bag-less ones, which incidentally look pretty nice.)
-- Yes, we canister (I admit that makes no sense.)
Posted by teb at 01:12 PM | Email this entry
January 14, 2009
Running feature wherein I comb through the records to see what search terms have led sleepy, undernourished people to this random, old blog
"i can only have honey as a sweetener is there anyone else like this"
No. You are a freak.
"origin of the phrase gut you like a fish"
It's Latin, I think.
“hanes premium boxer briefs”
“benefits of the nuclear club”
monthly newsletter
“i need to be vacuumed you may put me on cereal what am i?”
Nutmeg.
“markie post leather pics”
First workout clothes and now this. Someone needs therapy.
“pros and cons opposable thumbs”
I'd leave 'em on.
Posted by teb at 12:44 PM | Email this entry
January 13, 2009
News
-- From the AP:
Clinton vows 'smart mix' of diplomacy and defense
A slight modification of the current "dumbass mix"
-- From LA Times:
Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens could get Hall snub
They're not in the clear. Or, rather, they were.
-- From CNET:
A tale of two Windows installs
Worst. Dickens. Reference. Ever.
Posted by teb at 10:11 AM | Email this entry
January 12, 2009
The weekend to-do list: A postmortem
Find that, despite spending big bucks on toys, balloons and bubbles remain the most fun.
Watch GWB on Fox News Sunday. Think: 10 more days.
Shop at REI, which stands for Really Expensive Items.
Hem. Haw.
Clean out fridge. Discover long lost casserole.
Posted by teb at 11:22 AM | Email this entry
January 09, 2009
OFF LEASH: On non-meat
"Off Leash" is an occasional column by Fiddler. Past columns can be found here.
It was Samuel Johnson who said that "a cucumber should be well-sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out." He is, I believe, correct, and I would further extend that claim to any and all vegetables including, but not limited to, carrots and potatoes.
The same goes for pancakes, which I recently and regrettably sampled. They were being prepared on the stove in a fashion similar to chicken. I thought, not unreasonably, that they might likewise be delectable. I was wrong.
I immediately spat out the flour-and-egg concoction and looked up with an expression that could only be interpreted thusly: Bring on the sausages.
Posted by teb at 12:16 PM | Email this entry
January 08, 2009
What (else) I learned from the Pottery Barn kids catalog
-- Cement mixers add "thrilling action" to "classic bedding."
-- "Braided rugs are a colorful American tradition"
-- The crocheted mice have custom-sewn dresses.
-- "Appliqued bugs flutter above the striped dobby of our Turkish cotton terry toweling."
-- The gourmet kitchen set is on sale for $779.
Posted by teb at 12:26 PM | Email this entry
January 07, 2009
Ways to improve your business card
-- Gold leafing AND silver leafing
-- Instead of your own name, use the name of someone more impressive, like Sumner Redstone or Doug Flutie.
-- Make it poster-sized.
-- Be mysterious: don’t include contact information.
-- Underline, underline, underline.
Posted by teb at 01:43 PM | Email this entry
January 06, 2009
News
-- From the Boston Globe:
Laura Bush gets contract for memoir
Possible title: "Incurious George"
-- From the Washington Post:
Bush to Protect Three Areas in Pacific
And torture the rest.
-- From the AP:
A numerical look at the Bush years
2 + 2 = 5
Posted by teb at 10:39 AM | Email this entry
January 05, 2009
The weekend to-do list: A postmortem
Finish painting bedroom. Vow to stay away from fancy "textural" paint in future.
Put more things in attic. Conclude that we need fewer things.
Discover why kale isn't marketed as a juice.
Perambulate.
Be reminded by two-year-old that the English language is needlessly difficult. "Goed" does seem more natural than "went."
Posted by teb at 10:39 AM | Email this entry
January 01, 2009
FAQ Regarding the Chicken Nugget Sandwich I Made Earlier
-- What is a chicken nugget sandwich?
The chicken nugget sandwich combines the tastiness of the chicken nugget with the convenience of the chicken sandwich.
-- So, basically, you lined up chicken nuggets on a piece of bread, added a little mayo, and ate them. Is that right?
That's pretty much it, yes.
-- Why?
Why not?
-- That's not an answer.
[Punches questioner]
-- Hey!
[Runs away]
Posted by teb at 10:43 PM | Email this entry