September 28, 2009
PROS and CONS: Hiatus
PROS:
-- Short
-- Temporary
-- Has friendly "Hi" in it
CONS:
-- Long
-- Permanent
-- Rhymes with "I ate us."
Posted by teb at 10:31 AM | Email this entry
September 23, 2009
Yeah, thanks
Three-year-old: What are you doing up there?
Parent of Three-year-old: I’m getting ready to take a shower.
Three-year-old: You are very dirty.
Parent of Three-year-old: I’m not that dirty.
Three-year-old: You're covered in dirt.
Posted by teb at 01:15 PM | Email this entry
September 22, 2009
What I’m whispering to the guy next to me in the waiting room
Can we keep the magazines?
This leprosy thing is the pits.
Do they have a test for crazy?
I’ve got extra needles if you need 'em.
*sniffle* swine *cough*
Posted by teb at 06:49 PM | Email this entry
September 21, 2009
The weekend to-do list: A postmortem
Feel suddenly nauseous in a Wal-Mart. So that's the Wal-Mart Effect.
Leave car door open during rainstorm. Become instantly ineligible for MacArthur Genius Award.
Try to talk toddler out of purchasing bag of gumballs because a) he doesn't chew gum and b) see "a." Fail.
Guffaw.
See dude wearing sunglasses, driving a yellow Mustang convertible, and listening to Van Halen. I love the 80s, too, but come on.
Posted by teb at 11:06 AM | Email this entry
September 17, 2009
Selling points of the Relax Inn
-- gruff, unshaven owner welcomes you with grimace.
-- extra firm mattress similar to camping inside.
-- weirdly stained mirror almost like artwork.
-- dark wood paneling gives it that mob-informant-on-the-lam feel.
-- super thin walls create sense of community.
Posted by teb at 10:07 AM | Email this entry
September 15, 2009
NOTES FROM A FAIR IN A SOUTHERN STATE THAT WASN'T A STATE FAIR BUT WAS FAIRLY IMPRESSIVE NONETHELESS
Fried Oreos
Fried Three Musketeers
Fried Twinkies
Goth teen with spiked collar and thick glasses eating breadsticks near German pipe organ built in 1892
"The Magic of Agriculture"
"Farm Adventure"
Confederate flag with superimposed deer
Confederate flag with superimposed bald eagle
Brahman bull named "Honker"
Jumbo turkey legs
Giant turkey legs
"Amber Newman, Amber Newman, please meet your party inside the ring of fire."
Clatterpillar
Posted by teb at 12:11 AM | Email this entry
September 10, 2009
Excerpts from my uninspiring address to a joint session of congress
The time for bickering has arrived.
I, too, am scared by the future.
Now is the season for delay.
This is the same chapter in American history.
That's all I have to say. See you guys later.
Posted by teb at 12:18 PM | Email this entry
September 09, 2009
PROS and CONS: Neighbors
PROS:
-- Nearby
-- Nice enough
-- Could theoretically borrow sugar from them
CONS:
-- Nosy
-- Creepy
-- Too much waving
Posted by teb at 12:11 PM | Email this entry
September 08, 2009
The weekend to-do list: A postmortem
Love watching tennis match on tv set. Ad in.
Buy donut at 7-11. Look around to make sure no one I know saw me.
Go to bed late; wake up early. Not recommended.
Enervate.
Break second salad spinner in as many months. Consider hanging lettuce out to dry.
Posted by teb at 02:11 PM | Email this entry
September 03, 2009
Questions I have regarding my W-4 form
What if my kid eats as much as two kids?
Is itemize similar to winterize?
What is this “nonwage income” and how can I get some of it?
How do I know if my spouse is a nonresident alien?
Instead of “head of household” can I be listed as Lord of Manor?
Posted by teb at 02:05 PM | Email this entry
September 02, 2009
AWESOME LATE-NIGHT ACTIVITIES FOR WHEN YOU CAN'T SLEEP
Dragging the trash can down the gravel driveway in boxer shorts and flip-flops!
Watching Silver Spoons episode on Hulu!
Eating dry cereal with eyes half-closed!
Lying in dark making mental list of personal failings!
Sighing sadly!
Posted by teb at 10:08 AM | Email this entry
September 01, 2009
News
-- From the AP:
Same-sex marriages begin in Vermont
Great. Now MY marriage is ruined.
-- From CNET:
Grand Theft Auto game coming to iPhone
At last, portable graphic misogyny.
-- From People:
POLL: What Should the Duggars Name Baby No. 19?
Nomore.
Posted by teb at 03:40 PM | Email this entry