Minor Tweaks 2009-09-28T15:33:07Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1 Movable Type Copyright (c) 2009, teb PROS and CONS: Hiatus 2009-09-28T15:33:07Z 2009-09-28T15:31:51Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1297 2009-09-28T15:31:51Z PROS: -- Short -- Temporary -- Has friendly "Hi" in it CONS: -- Long -- Permanent -- Rhymes with "I ate us."... teb tombartlett@gmail.com PROS:

-- Short

-- Temporary

-- Has friendly "Hi" in it

CONS:

-- Long

-- Permanent

-- Rhymes with "I ate us."

]]> Yeah, thanks 2009-09-23T18:16:38Z 2009-09-23T18:15:02Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1296 2009-09-23T18:15:02Z Three-year-old: What are you doing up there? Parent of Three-year-old: I’m getting ready to take a shower. Three-year-old: You are very dirty. Parent of Three-year-old: I’m not that dirty. Three-year-old: You're covered in dirt.... teb tombartlett@gmail.com Three-year-old: What are you doing up there?

Parent of Three-year-old: I’m getting ready to take a shower.

Three-year-old: You are very dirty.

Parent of Three-year-old: I’m not that dirty.

Three-year-old: You're covered in dirt.

]]> What I’m whispering to the guy next to me in the waiting room 2009-09-22T23:51:21Z 2009-09-22T23:49:45Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1295 2009-09-22T23:49:45Z Can we keep the magazines? This leprosy thing is the pits. Do they have a test for crazy? I’ve got extra needles if you need 'em. *sniffle* swine *cough*... teb tombartlett@gmail.com Can we keep the magazines?

This leprosy thing is the pits.

Do they have a test for crazy?

I’ve got extra needles if you need 'em.

*sniffle* swine *cough*

]]> The weekend to-do list: A postmortem 2009-09-21T16:12:44Z 2009-09-21T16:06:02Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1294 2009-09-21T16:06:02Z Feel suddenly nauseous in a Wal-Mart. So that's the Wal-Mart Effect. Leave car door open during rainstorm. Become instantly ineligible for MacArthur Genius Award. Try to talk toddler out of purchasing bag of gumballs because a) he doesn't chew gum... teb tombartlett@gmail.com Feel suddenly nauseous in a Wal-Mart. So that's the Wal-Mart Effect.

Leave car door open during rainstorm. Become instantly ineligible for MacArthur Genius Award.

Try to talk toddler out of purchasing bag of gumballs because a) he doesn't chew gum and b) see "a." Fail.

Guffaw.

See dude wearing sunglasses, driving a yellow Mustang convertible, and listening to Van Halen. I love the 80s, too, but come on.

]]> Selling points of the Relax Inn 2009-09-17T15:07:48Z 2009-09-17T15:07:01Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1293 2009-09-17T15:07:01Z -- gruff, unshaven owner welcomes you with grimace. -- extra firm mattress similar to camping inside. -- weirdly stained mirror almost like artwork. -- dark wood paneling gives it that mob-informant-on-the-lam feel. -- super thin walls create sense of community.... teb tombartlett@gmail.com -- gruff, unshaven owner welcomes you with grimace.

-- extra firm mattress similar to camping inside.

-- weirdly stained mirror almost like artwork.

-- dark wood paneling gives it that mob-informant-on-the-lam feel.

-- super thin walls create sense of community.

]]> NOTES FROM A FAIR IN A SOUTHERN STATE THAT WASN'T A STATE FAIR BUT WAS FAIRLY IMPRESSIVE NONETHELESS 2009-09-15T05:13:00Z 2009-09-15T05:11:35Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1292 2009-09-15T05:11:35Z Fried Oreos Fried Three Musketeers Fried Twinkies Goth teen with spiked collar and thick glasses eating breadsticks near German pipe organ built in 1892 "The Magic of Agriculture" "Farm Adventure" Confederate flag with superimposed deer Confederate flag with superimposed bald... teb tombartlett@gmail.com Fried Oreos

Fried Three Musketeers

Fried Twinkies

Goth teen with spiked collar and thick glasses eating breadsticks near German pipe organ built in 1892

"The Magic of Agriculture"

"Farm Adventure"

Confederate flag with superimposed deer

Confederate flag with superimposed bald eagle

Brahman bull named "Honker"

Jumbo turkey legs

Giant turkey legs

"Amber Newman, Amber Newman, please meet your party inside the ring of fire."

Clatterpillar

]]> Excerpts from my uninspiring address to a joint session of congress 2009-09-10T17:20:59Z 2009-09-10T17:18:21Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1291 2009-09-10T17:18:21Z The time for bickering has arrived. I, too, am scared by the future. Now is the season for delay. This is the same chapter in American history. That's all I have to say. See you guys later.... teb tombartlett@gmail.com The time for bickering has arrived.

I, too, am scared by the future.

Now is the season for delay.

This is the same chapter in American history.

That's all I have to say. See you guys later.

]]> PROS and CONS: Neighbors 2009-09-09T17:14:10Z 2009-09-09T17:11:55Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1290 2009-09-09T17:11:55Z PROS: -- Nearby -- Nice enough -- Could theoretically borrow sugar from them CONS: -- Nosy -- Creepy -- Too much waving... teb tombartlett@gmail.com PROS and CONS PROS:

-- Nearby

-- Nice enough

-- Could theoretically borrow sugar from them

CONS:

-- Nosy

-- Creepy

-- Too much waving

]]> The weekend to-do list: A postmortem 2009-09-08T19:14:41Z 2009-09-08T19:11:06Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1289 2009-09-08T19:11:06Z Love watching tennis match on tv set. Ad in. Buy donut at 7-11. Look around to make sure no one I know saw me. Go to bed late; wake up early. Not recommended. Enervate. Break second salad spinner in as... teb tombartlett@gmail.com Love watching tennis match on tv set. Ad in.

Buy donut at 7-11. Look around to make sure no one I know saw me.

Go to bed late; wake up early. Not recommended.

Enervate.

Break second salad spinner in as many months. Consider hanging lettuce out to dry.

]]> Questions I have regarding my W-4 form 2009-09-03T19:06:20Z 2009-09-03T19:05:37Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1288 2009-09-03T19:05:37Z What if my kid eats as much as two kids? Is itemize similar to winterize? What is this “nonwage income” and how can I get some of it? How do I know if my spouse is a nonresident alien? Instead... teb tombartlett@gmail.com What if my kid eats as much as two kids?

Is itemize similar to winterize?

What is this “nonwage income” and how can I get some of it?

How do I know if my spouse is a nonresident alien?

Instead of “head of household” can I be listed as Lord of Manor?

]]> AWESOME LATE-NIGHT ACTIVITIES FOR WHEN YOU CAN'T SLEEP 2009-09-02T15:10:57Z 2009-09-02T15:08:10Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1287 2009-09-02T15:08:10Z Dragging the trash can down the gravel driveway in boxer shorts and flip-flops! Watching Silver Spoons episode on Hulu! Eating dry cereal with eyes half-closed! Lying in dark making mental list of personal failings! Sighing sadly!... teb tombartlett@gmail.com Dragging the trash can down the gravel driveway in boxer shorts and flip-flops!

Watching Silver Spoons episode on Hulu!

Eating dry cereal with eyes half-closed!

Lying in dark making mental list of personal failings!

Sighing sadly!

]]> News 2009-09-01T20:42:05Z 2009-09-01T20:40:33Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1286 2009-09-01T20:40:33Z -- From the AP: Same-sex marriages begin in Vermont Great. Now MY marriage is ruined. -- From CNET: Grand Theft Auto game coming to iPhone At last, portable graphic misogyny. -- From People: POLL: What Should the Duggars Name Baby... teb tombartlett@gmail.com -- From the AP:

Same-sex marriages begin in Vermont

Great. Now MY marriage is ruined.

-- From CNET:

Grand Theft Auto game coming to iPhone

At last, portable graphic misogyny.

-- From People:

POLL: What Should the Duggars Name Baby No. 19?

Nomore.

]]> The weekend to-do list: A postmortem 2009-08-31T17:55:13Z 2009-08-31T17:28:52Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1285 2009-08-31T17:28:52Z Visit friend's farm. Consider raising chickens in back yard. Play ping pong at a bar while drinking root beer. It's come to that. Wonder if Chris Wallace's "interview" with Dick Cheney came with a foot massage. Waffle. Clean dog bowl... teb tombartlett@gmail.com Visit friend's farm. Consider raising chickens in back yard.

Play ping pong at a bar while drinking root beer. It's come to that.

Wonder if Chris Wallace's "interview" with Dick Cheney came with a foot massage.

Waffle.

Clean dog bowl for the first time in a long while. Sorry, Fiddler.

]]> What I'm saying to the nurse drawing my blood 2009-08-28T17:10:44Z 2009-08-28T14:47:10Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1284 2009-08-28T14:47:10Z Just so you know, I'm a crier. Mind if I keep the needle? My blood is extra negative. Wait - what's that sharp thing? Bring on the leeches.... teb tombartlett@gmail.com Just so you know, I'm a crier.

Mind if I keep the needle?

My blood is extra negative.

Wait - what's that sharp thing?

Bring on the leeches.

]]> Hey 2009-08-27T15:29:46Z 2009-08-27T15:22:11Z tag:www.minortweaks.com,2009://1.1283 2009-08-27T15:22:11Z Hey, guy reading an actual newspaper on the train, is your smartphone broken or something? Hey, hipster twenty-somethings with your trendy clothes and bands I've never heard of, stop making me feel old and pathetic. Hey, older neighbor lady who... teb tombartlett@gmail.com Hey, guy reading an actual newspaper on the train, is your smartphone broken or something?

Hey, hipster twenty-somethings with your trendy clothes and bands I've never heard of, stop making me feel old and pathetic.

Hey, older neighbor lady who offered me a ride this morning, you are very nice but I seriously have no idea what you're talking about.

Hey, dude with the multiple neck tattoos, sweeeeeet.

Hey, half-a-cookie in the office kitchen put there by god-knows-who, hell yeah I'll eat you.

]]>