Watch "The Empire Strikes Back." Puppets hold up better than CG.

Re-caulk tub after scraping out old caulk with screwdriver. As fun as it sounds.

Try to see sold-out movie -- twice. Apparently there's something called Fandango ...

Enjoy apple pie actually made by mom. Feel patriotic.

Buried
Beneath a coat
Unrefrigerated
Unlucky
Unloved

Your sell by
Oh my
You are way past it

Pumps fists, stomps around. Seems especially pleased by the drums on the chorus.

-- “Family Business”

“This is good music.”

-- “Stronger”

Disturbed at first by the robot voice intro, but settles into it.

-- “Jesus Walks”

Waves arms, tilts head to one side.

-- “Good Life” feat. T-Pain

“Turn off the music! Right now!”

Astronauts tinker with urine-to-water machine

Tinker? Really?

-- From the Jerusalem Post:

Jordan seals nuclear deal with China

I didn't even know he ... oh, the country.

-- From FluxMedia:

Chinese State Media Is Against New Guns N’ Roses Album

That makes two of us.

Walk dog on frigid morning. Remember why cats are better.

Locate trench coat and pork-pie hat for Great Depression II.

Susurrate.

Let toddler have some milk in a regular (non-sippy) cup. Regret it almost immediately.

-- The pre-lit gold cone trees add a sophisticated touch.

-- "Our Personalized Fireplace Grate accepts your name or customized saying."

-- The handcrafted totes are inspired by lizards.

-- "Sometimes you just need to go over the top – and our Cascading Garland will take you there."

Tradesperson: [something I don't understand]

Me: [something vaguely skeptical of the thing I don't understand]

Tradesperson: [more things I don't understand]

Me: [cross arms and nod, trying not to appear befuddled]

Tradesperson: [more things I don't understand]

Me: Sounds good.

Tradesperson: That'll be $600, please.

… is dragging something.

… is casting his eyes about furtively.

… prays he doesn't get pulled over.

… is on a secluded bridge.

… wonders if seltzer water really does remove blood stains.

… is whistling like nothing happened.

Congress To Big Three: Get Your Act Together!

Big Three to Congress: Ditto!

-- From Fox News:

Bill Clinton's Foreign Affairs Could Cost Hillary Secretary Post

I thought they were all domestic.

-- From CNN:

How astronauts stay fit, on and off the planet

Tang. Lots and lots of Tang.

Walk around empty house. Sob.

Recover. Realize you can do whatever you want! Oh yeah!

Try to figure out what it is you want to do.

Discover that it mostly involves eating Pepperidge Farm Snack Sticks and re-watching episodes of 30 Rock.

Are we talking mink stoles or what?

-- "why does james frey capitalize nouns"

Because he's Pretentious and a Fraud.

-- "cons of child leashes"

None. Seriously. They're awesome.

-- "how koala bear defends itself"

it uses its natural cuteness.

-- "things to write in thinking of you cards"

Glad to help.

-- "spoon and fork differences"

If you're not sure, try the "jab test."

-- Washable

-- Tossable

-- Easy to fool

CONS:

-- Talky

-- Bitey

-- Eat all your cheese

Palin presses her case

And by "case" she means Louis Vuitton handbag.

-- From CNN:

Ted Turner: 'I'm not chased by demons'

Good to know.

-- From CNN:

Obama launches Web site to reach public

Ah, so that's why he did it.

Discover that they don’t have ketchup at Teaism. Dude, how else am I gonna choke down this veggie burger?

Fillip.

Wonder what happens if you just decide not to rake.

Read right-wing bloggers dealing with post-election blues. Ha ha.

The following conversation ensues:

You: "Please don't do that, buddy."
Toddler: [hits]
You: "Seriously. Not cool."
Toddler: [hits]
You: "Hey, we don't hit."
Toddler: [hits]

At which point you squirt the vicious, pint-sized assailant with the sink sprayer. The toddler is momentarily stunned and ceases his aggression. You almost feel bad. And then the toddler screams delightedly: "Do it again! Do it again!"