Minor Tweaks http://www.minortweaks.com/ Copyright 2009 Mon, 28 Sep 2009 10:31:51 -0500 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.15 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss PROS and CONS: Hiatus PROS:

-- Short

-- Temporary

-- Has friendly "Hi" in it

CONS:

-- Long

-- Permanent

-- Rhymes with "I ate us."

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/pros_and_cons_h_1.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/pros_and_cons_h_1.html Mon, 28 Sep 2009 10:31:51 -0500 Yeah, thanks Three-year-old: What are you doing up there?

Parent of Three-year-old: I’m getting ready to take a shower.

Three-year-old: You are very dirty.

Parent of Three-year-old: I’m not that dirty.

Three-year-old: You're covered in dirt.

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/yeah_thanks.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/yeah_thanks.html Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:15:02 -0500 What I’m whispering to the guy next to me in the waiting room Can we keep the magazines?

This leprosy thing is the pits.

Do they have a test for crazy?

I’ve got extra needles if you need 'em.

*sniffle* swine *cough*

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/what_iam_whispe.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/what_iam_whispe.html Tue, 22 Sep 2009 18:49:45 -0500 The weekend to-do list: A postmortem Feel suddenly nauseous in a Wal-Mart. So that's the Wal-Mart Effect.

Leave car door open during rainstorm. Become instantly ineligible for MacArthur Genius Award.

Try to talk toddler out of purchasing bag of gumballs because a) he doesn't chew gum and b) see "a." Fail.

Guffaw.

See dude wearing sunglasses, driving a yellow Mustang convertible, and listening to Van Halen. I love the 80s, too, but come on.

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/the_weekend_tod_120.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/the_weekend_tod_120.html Mon, 21 Sep 2009 11:06:02 -0500 Selling points of the Relax Inn -- gruff, unshaven owner welcomes you with grimace.

-- extra firm mattress similar to camping inside.

-- weirdly stained mirror almost like artwork.

-- dark wood paneling gives it that mob-informant-on-the-lam feel.

-- super thin walls create sense of community.

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/selling_points.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/selling_points.html Thu, 17 Sep 2009 10:07:01 -0500 NOTES FROM A FAIR IN A SOUTHERN STATE THAT WASN'T A STATE FAIR BUT WAS FAIRLY IMPRESSIVE NONETHELESS Fried Oreos

Fried Three Musketeers

Fried Twinkies

Goth teen with spiked collar and thick glasses eating breadsticks near German pipe organ built in 1892

"The Magic of Agriculture"

"Farm Adventure"

Confederate flag with superimposed deer

Confederate flag with superimposed bald eagle

Brahman bull named "Honker"

Jumbo turkey legs

Giant turkey legs

"Amber Newman, Amber Newman, please meet your party inside the ring of fire."

Clatterpillar

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/notes_from_a_fa.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/notes_from_a_fa.html Tue, 15 Sep 2009 00:11:35 -0500 Excerpts from my uninspiring address to a joint session of congress The time for bickering has arrived.

I, too, am scared by the future.

Now is the season for delay.

This is the same chapter in American history.

That's all I have to say. See you guys later.

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/excerpts_from_m.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/excerpts_from_m.html Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:18:21 -0500 PROS and CONS: Neighbors PROS:

-- Nearby

-- Nice enough

-- Could theoretically borrow sugar from them

CONS:

-- Nosy

-- Creepy

-- Too much waving

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/pros_and_cons_n_1.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/pros_and_cons_n_1.html PROS and CONS Wed, 09 Sep 2009 12:11:55 -0500 The weekend to-do list: A postmortem Love watching tennis match on tv set. Ad in.

Buy donut at 7-11. Look around to make sure no one I know saw me.

Go to bed late; wake up early. Not recommended.

Enervate.

Break second salad spinner in as many months. Consider hanging lettuce out to dry.

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/the_weekend_tod_119.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/the_weekend_tod_119.html Tue, 08 Sep 2009 14:11:06 -0500 Questions I have regarding my W-4 form What if my kid eats as much as two kids?

Is itemize similar to winterize?

What is this “nonwage income” and how can I get some of it?

How do I know if my spouse is a nonresident alien?

Instead of “head of household” can I be listed as Lord of Manor?

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/questions_i_hav_1.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/questions_i_hav_1.html Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:05:37 -0500 AWESOME LATE-NIGHT ACTIVITIES FOR WHEN YOU CAN'T SLEEP Dragging the trash can down the gravel driveway in boxer shorts and flip-flops!

Watching Silver Spoons episode on Hulu!

Eating dry cereal with eyes half-closed!

Lying in dark making mental list of personal failings!

Sighing sadly!

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/awesome_latenig.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/awesome_latenig.html Wed, 02 Sep 2009 10:08:10 -0500 News -- From the AP:

Same-sex marriages begin in Vermont

Great. Now MY marriage is ruined.

-- From CNET:

Grand Theft Auto game coming to iPhone

At last, portable graphic misogyny.

-- From People:

POLL: What Should the Duggars Name Baby No. 19?

Nomore.

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/news_60.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/09/news_60.html Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:40:33 -0500 The weekend to-do list: A postmortem Visit friend's farm. Consider raising chickens in back yard.

Play ping pong at a bar while drinking root beer. It's come to that.

Wonder if Chris Wallace's "interview" with Dick Cheney came with a foot massage.

Waffle.

Clean dog bowl for the first time in a long while. Sorry, Fiddler.

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/08/the_weekend_tod_118.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/08/the_weekend_tod_118.html Mon, 31 Aug 2009 12:28:52 -0500 What I'm saying to the nurse drawing my blood Just so you know, I'm a crier.

Mind if I keep the needle?

My blood is extra negative.

Wait - what's that sharp thing?

Bring on the leeches.

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/08/what_im_saying_1.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/08/what_im_saying_1.html Fri, 28 Aug 2009 09:47:10 -0500 Hey Hey, guy reading an actual newspaper on the train, is your smartphone broken or something?

Hey, hipster twenty-somethings with your trendy clothes and bands I've never heard of, stop making me feel old and pathetic.

Hey, older neighbor lady who offered me a ride this morning, you are very nice but I seriously have no idea what you're talking about.

Hey, dude with the multiple neck tattoos, sweeeeeet.

Hey, half-a-cookie in the office kitchen put there by god-knows-who, hell yeah I'll eat you.

]]> http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/08/hey_2.html http://www.minortweaks.com/archives/2009/08/hey_2.html Thu, 27 Aug 2009 10:22:11 -0500