(Click here for more Minor Tweaks or here for I Have OPINIONS!!!)
August 24, 2006
What would happen if the irrepressibly positive Apple repair technician I talked to this week about my broken iPod were to get a new job at a suicide hotline
Apple Guy: Hey there! How can I help you out today?
Caller: I just don't think I can go on.
Apple Guy: Super! We're halfway there.
Caller: What?
Apple Guy: We've identified the problem -- your desire not to live anymore -- and that's an important step.
Caller: Okay.
Apple Guy: Can you describe to me exactly what's been going on?
Caller: Yeah, I just feel this crushing weight on my soul and it's like darkness is closing in around me.
Apple Guy: Great! Have you tried to reset?
Caller: Reset?
Apple Guy: It's a figure of speech. I mean start over. Forget the past.
Caller: Yeah. It doesn't work.
Apple Guy: Fantastic! Are you sure it's plugged in?
Caller: Am I sure what's plugged in?
Apple Guy: When I say "it" I mean you and when I say "plugged in" I mean connected to people around you.
Caller: I do feel pretty alone.
Apple Guy: Terrific! We're almost done.
Caller: Really?
Apple Guy: Oh yeah! Soon you'll be listening to your music again!
Caller: I don't ...
Apple Guy: By which I mean the music of life.
Caller: Okay.
Apple Guy: Basically you need to cheer up. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Caller: No, I guess not.
Apple Guy: Fantastic!
Posted by teb at August 24, 2006 10:11 AM